I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The air was thick with penises
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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