census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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