I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The ass gains better be worth it
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