I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
