I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
