I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
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classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize