I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
