I need help removing her.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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