my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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