The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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