I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
lets start a swedish sibling band together
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
