I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
