Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
