You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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