I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
