i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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