dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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