I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
