found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
