Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
