why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
