How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
