What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
