There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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