i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
