The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
