You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
