All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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