Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
