I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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