please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
