My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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