Pappa wants mamma naked
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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