What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
