Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
