Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
