I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
