I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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