Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
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and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
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officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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