Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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