I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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