Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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