I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
