check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Randomize
