Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Randomize
