Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
