I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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