I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Your cock deserves a montage
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm bleeding and have questions
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
