Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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