this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
