I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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