Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
