I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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