the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
