We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
