Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
