**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
