A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
