Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
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