I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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