Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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