i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
