yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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