I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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