What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
