Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
