just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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