Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
