We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize