White coat. Heels.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
