Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Only a mothe r could love this liver
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
