im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
