Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
