She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
