I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
