I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
