true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
