I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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