I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
